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Tales from Levi, most of them about the legendary Eric Dieter

The Strange Misadventures of Levi

Levi Index

Eric Deiter (or Dieter, it's been submitted both ways) has become the poster boy for this site. Levi and his party have no doubt been killed several times by his antics, but on the other hand, he may have had flashes of brilliance that have not been told. Levi and his many submissions are the reason I still do this site. Wherever you are levi, this is my thanks for your support, a permanent home.

Let Sleeping Knights Lie
Read any good Dragonlance books lately?
So you think you're a vampire.
Totally wacked out town.
A Drow and his Brother.
What's cars got to do with anything?
Stupid Troll, or Stupider DM?
Eric Deiter, the Legend Continues
Eric, it's Just a Door
Eric Attempts to be Clever
Captivated Player Audience
X-Rated Non-Stupidity
National Critical Miss Day
Eric Dieter, now With 200% more TNT
Eric Dieter Attempts to Save Someone


Let Sleeping Knights Lie

Ogre (though this guy may be human) Warrior: Thanks to The Great Ogre Warrior Feer

A guy named Eric Deiter decides "Hey, I need a new Sword." So, while him and a few others are in this Tomb they come across 12 Altars with 1 elven body on each Altar. Each body has a realy "nice looking sword" laying in their hands. Deiter being the smart guy that he is decides to take one. OOPS. The sword was cursed (DUH!) with a slow spell. The dead dude on the alter (Being an honor gaurd) can't rest in peace without his sword. So it came alive and slayed him.

"Why the slow spell? Deiter seemed to be a little slow already."

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Read any good Dragonlance books lately?

Once upon a time... there were 3 half elven bards. We aquired a spell book and we had the spell casting ability... BUT our DM decided we needed to go to Wizard School to read the books. We met another PC there.. he was a wizard.. in red robes.. with gold skin, and hourglass eyes.. his name was Raistlin (REAL CREATIVE HUH?)!! Well this golden skinned FREAK decided to follow us around.. I mean our bards hardly knew this weirdo. He was acting weird and us 3 bards decided to plot to kill the freaky power hungry human. BUT one night we were visted by a powerful wizard who told us not to hurt him, but to escort him to a tower. So we tied a rope around this wizard so he wouldn't run off. Well.. this is were the gods favored Raistlin. It turns out he cut the rope we had tied around him, cast a sleep spell making me go to sleep, run in front of my other 2 bard friends, cast a sleep spell on them, and slit our throats. The funny thing is, our DM decided not to let us do anything to defend ourselves. I was walking BEHIND Raistlin, watching him closly, but I was still "surprised by his attack" and wasn't allowed to do anything but fall asleep. I tell ya, the DM gods favored that freak wizard on that day. I wonder if that is what would happen in Dragonlance......

"My magic 8-ball told me to ask again later."

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So you think you're a vampire

Yes, once again I submit a story about our good friend Deiter. WELL, Deiter's PC grew up in a small farm village. Deiter decided he wanted to become a Vampire Slayer. So one night Deiter had this dream that he was confronted with a Vampire and was bitten in the neck by one, in the morning he said he wanted to feel his neck to see if there was blood on it, just in case the dream was real. I said "Yeah, you got blood on your neck." Deiter must have forgot that he was in a battle before they went to sleep and he got a cut on his neck from a dagger. Well, Deiter thought he was really bit by a vampire, so he started to act like one. He refused to walk in the day and he would only eat things that weren't cooked. He ended up trying to suck the blood of a random guard.. he said "The hunger was getting to me... I needed to feast!" He was thrown into jail for the assult... where he ate his prison mate, for again he told me "I did it for the hunger... It was too much." He was hung the next morning for murder.

"At least he didn't offer his throat to the wolf with the red roses."

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Totally wacked out town

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, when I first got my AD&D books, I decided to try to run a campaign. I admit, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. It was my PC friend's first time playing too... well here's how it went, sadly enough: 2 Mudmen were guarding a human town. The town was full of wacked out killer psychotic people, a slaad(?) jumped out a Su-Monsters chest, a little girl turned into a Wraith, a giant slug killed one of the PC's who later turned into a Zombie as the town fell into the Bowels of Hell.... what was I thinking?

"Your town, not mine. Imagination is the best thing a DM can have."

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A drow and his Brother

I was a Drow Thief with damn good looks and a dumb ass brother. Well my brother (Eric Deiter) was a necromancer. Each night he had this "urge" to go kill every bum he could see. One night he killed a little girl and her mom. I happened to stumble upon the bodies. Every one in the town knew my brother was a necromancer and I was his dumbass brother. So when the guards found me and the bodies they questioned me. I had no damn clue what happened and they asked me where my brother was. I told them. He was thrown in jail and I felt bad. So the guards (being corrupted) had me go kill a pirate. I did.. but by the time I got done with my mission Deiter got himself in MORE trouble in jail and was hanged 1 day before I returned to free him. Dumbass.

"Reminds me of my DM and his brother. Deiter is a legend here."

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What's cars got to do with anything?

Once upon a time... there was a [really bad] DM named Max Dalpevo. I was watching him DM one day and.. well... I was rather disgusted. He gave everyone ONE wish to start the game off with. One PC wished for a Car with unlimited fuel, that could turn into a helicopter and boat. Guess what... He got it! And our good and well known friend (Eric Deiter) became a god in his campaigns.. thats a scary thought. I have pondered the subject on accidently hitting him with a car to end his [bad] DMing... but I havent made up my mind yet.

"Something "drove" me to remove your expletives levi, but I too would love to run down your DM."

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Stupid Troll, or even Stupider DM?

Eric Deiter decided to DM one night. So, we all made characters and we were traveling through the forest. We heard some rustling in the bush and out pops a troll (mind you we are all lvl 1). So after a round into the fight I said to him "Why in the hell are we fighting a troll? He has regeneration and can whoop our level one ass! What the hell Deiter?". So he reads the troll section in the Monster Manual for a few seconds and says "Oh... I didn't know they were THAT powerful. Ok, you guys see the troll turn his back and run away." Our PC's were quite confused after that encounter. Moral: If your gonna DM, know your [stuff] or be prepared to look like a [fool].

"It requires imagination too. Perhaps Eric Deiter should be the poster boy for this site."

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Eric Deiter, the Legend Continues

Once upon a time... there was a man named Eric Deiter. He was adventuring with a group of people and they were ambushed by a group of elven archers. I ask Deiter what he is going to do. He said, "I'm gonna stand there on guard." I says to him "You know they have ranged weapons..." he says "Yeaup." So 3 of the 4 hit him and I ask him again "What are you gonna do?" He tells me "I'm gonna try and hide." I say sarcastically "Yeah, ok, roll." He rolled, to make a short story shorter, he ended up as the elven pin cushon.

"Stupid thimble for brains!"

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It's Just a Door Eric

Note: After reading this, I was immediately inspired to post the link to this similar story by a PC that was also named Eric.

I am back once again, with some 3rd edition stories with our good friend, yes, Eric Dieter. After being ravaged by an orc thug, (becuase Eric was being quite a nuissance that night) he decided to regain his possessions and self worth. He goes into the sewers in search of this Orc, for lord knows what reason, and he comes across an iron door. He is FREAKED out by this, I dont know why, I am still confused by this. Anyhoo, he casts 3 magic missiles at the door in the hopes of blowing it down. Then, when that doesn't work he throws a horse shoe at the door for a good hour. Why? What in the name of the Gods was he afraid of?! So after a good hour he finaly walks up to the door, puts his hand on the handle, and opens it. Wow. Genious!

"C'mon C'mon C'mon now Touch me babe! Can't you see, that I am not afraid"
The Doors, from Touch Me

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Eric attempts to be Clever

I was feeling evil one night and decided to make a trap only one twisted mind could think of. They enter this hall way and they see a door. But everytime Dieter came close to the door, it would move away from him. The hall would get longer in a sense. He tried a couple of things. One was to insult the door. He cursed at that door for a good five minutes. Then he tried to bribe the door, offering it treasures and what not. Then he tried to hide behind a statue and push the statue down the hall and jump out from behind the statue, trying to trick the door and it failed... terribly. The solution was to walk back through the door you entered the hall in. I love seeing that kid in pain!

I know you all must say "Levi, you must be making this up. No one is THAT stupid, and fails THAT many times." Folks, I swear on a DMG that this boy is that dumb, and this REALLY does happen.

"I could swear I saw Dieter in that similar Simpson's couch scene."

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Captivated Player Audience

This amuses me. I am currently in a campaign (return to the temple of elemental evil, maybe you have heard of it (Not really)) and it hit me one day that I am the only one who knows what we are doing. On the way to the Temple of All Consumption, I look at the whole party and ask "Do you know what we are doing?" The looks on their faces was priceless. Moral: listen.

"Hey! Leave the berating to me!"

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X-Rated Non-Stupidity

Alas, a story without Dieter. I know you will be disappointed, but this one is a classic story. Locke, the halfing thief (played by Tim), was sent in undercover to a church that was about to shut down the Mercenary Guild he belonged to. One night he realized that he had to make a tunnel from his room to the outside of the church so he could relay information. Well, while he was digging the tunnel he heard someone walking towards his room. He quickly covered his hole with his bed. Only one problem: he was covered head to toe in dirt and he told the priests that he wasn't feeling well and was going to stay in all day. So, as the priest was opening the door he did the only thing he could think of at the time. He got naked and cried. This is the only time I was ever caught off guard as a DM, I couldn't stop laughing. Here's how the coversation between Locke(tim) and the Priest(me):

Priest: Whaaaa....
Locke: *he keeps on crying and gives the priest puppy eyes*
Priest: What in the name of Pealor are you doing!? Why on earth are you naked, dirty, and crying?!?!
Locke: I DONT KNOW!
Priest: *slowly shuts the door*

Moral: When in doubt, get naked.

"Nudity causes, and solves more problems than beer."

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National Critical Miss day

October 13, national Critical Miss day. I declared this after a battle the PCs had against a group of gnolls. There were 7 Gnolls and 4 PCs and heres how the battle went:

First round: 6 Gnolls got critical misses and 3 PCs.
Second round: 3 Gnolls critically missed and 2 PCs.
Third round: one PC critically misses.
Fourth round: 2 Gnolls and 2 PC's.

Instead of playing on and "seeing what might happen", we decided to stop playing and go out for 4 dollar pizza. Some nights, like this one, you just gotta know when to say "Not today...."

"Where the hell do you get 4 dollar pizza!!?"

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Eric Dieter, now With 200% more TNT

Me and Dieter decided to go through an adventure together with our good friend Jared as the DM. Now, I know y'all are probably wondering why I chose to adventure with Dieter. This time he told me that he has been reading the PHB and the DMG and he knows right from wrong. After this event, I begged to differ...

I was a warrior named Kilrok and Dieter was a mage named... Sir Blaster. Now keep in mind he was not a knight, not a paladin, but a mage. So Kilrok and ... ahem... Sir Blaster began their adventure. So we were delving through this dungeon to kill this evil mage named Paris De'Forte. I had a backpack full of TNT (I didnt trust them to Dieter) to clear the way to his lair. So we finaly reach his lair. This is when Sir Blaster said a line that will live on in infamy.

"Paris De'Forte... this time YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!" (in the most girlish, squeakiest, pathetic voice I have ever heard.)

Well Paris laughed and froze me into a popcicle. Ole Dieter, being the genius he is, decides to defrost me... with a fireball. Well, it did defrost me, and it also lit the TNT; blew my leg off and his face off in the process. After that stunt, I calmly closed my PHB and walked home. Sir Blaster... heh

"The PHB and the DMG don't teach common sense. Keep playing with him though, this stuff is gold."

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Eric Dieter Attempts to Save Someone

After that last event, Dieter called me up and apologized for being stupid. I told him I had an adventure that I hoped he and the rest of my friends would get past lvl 9 in. (Lvl 9 being the highest anyone has ever gotton in our strings of campaigns and AD&D adventures.) So 30 minutes into the game, Dieter is doing good. He is playing a Paladin and is actualy surprising me. He wasn't telling lies, and most of all, he wasn't being stupid. On the boat, the sailors decided to play a joke on Jared (he was a mage, and the Sailors didnt like mages.). They threw him overboard to get wet and what not. Dieter, seeing this and being the noble paladin that he is, heroically claims "I will save you!" and jumps off the boat.

What Eric forgot was that when wearing full plate it's hard to swim. He sunk to the bottom and died a horrible... horrible.... slow death. *sighs*

"Eric's loss is my treasure. Speaking of which, there's now some full plate at the bottom of the ocean."

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