Stories from my own DM



Know Your Abilities as Well as Your Limits

One day, a kender thief was wandering around and decided to break into a warehouse. He knew that the only way into it was through the skylight on the roof. He seen a nearby tree and climbed it, hoping to jump the gap and get on the roof. There was about a 12' gap and the tree was slightly higher than the building. He missed, fell down, and tried again. He fell down again and died on his third attempt.
"Does climb walls actually work on walls?"


Weigh Anchor!

While in a boat one day, a certain fighter was smelling unattractive to his party. He decided to take a bath right there. He ended up drowning. The quote was, "What do you mean I have to take off my plate mail first?"
"Because you might get rust on your precious plate mail."


Split or be Split Open

The fate of my own first character came about as he tried to rob an estate in Tantallon. He was a thief of course and as he was chaotic neutral, he decided on a whim to do this. He wasn't very silent however and eventually, 2 guards spotted him. He decided that 2 on 1 was a fair fight. He lasted a couple of rounds before one of the guards split his head open, killing him.
The lesson here is,

  1. Build up your move silently before robbing a house.
  2. A level 6 thief is no match for two guards.
"What was I thinking?"

Curiousity Killed the Dark Elf

My second character was involved in a full scale raid on a city. After the army was kicked out of the city, he looked around for supplies. He found an encroachment and in there, found some potions. Not knowing what they were and having a potion taster in the town, he took a sip from the bottle. It was poison of course, end of character.
"Krajar's standards have dropped lately."


This character, being a servant of Krajar, was brought back and his soul was contained in a soul gem. It didn't take long before a fighter grabbed the large diamond in the eye of a Tarasque, and his soul was trapped. As there was a third person there who grabbed the gem, he was able to get out and put the mage back in as the mage was heavily weighed down. The mage finally ended up in the body of a lizardman. The lizardman's soul died when a white mage from the conclaive touched it. The body instantly jumped into a well and died. I'll let my DM finish this story.

Another character thought it was a good idea to jump a river of lava. Won't touch that one.
Tis Better to get the Point Than to Receive it

One day, this particular character was being tailed by a spear wielding gnoll. He climbed a tree to safety and tried to figure out how to get away. He figured the best way was to jump down from the tree and over the gnoll.
"Who knows, maybe having a spear in your gut will be the next fashion trend."

Hero, well done

My latest bobble was that of a gnomish buffoon I was playing. Inside of a cave, there was a huge mass of kobolds I believe in a small space and a ladder behind us. The other mage was trying to cast a fire spell on a puddle of grease created by my grease spell to wipe out the kobolds. My gnome took the blows for her so that she could get the spell off, however, he had to stand in the grease to do so. Well, the spell worked and we got the kobolds but my gnome was caught too and most of his supplies, including his spellbook, and a whole whack of butter, were swallowed by the fire. On top of that, his nightgown was burned and he had to borrow a toga. He lived though. Ah the price of heroism. No smart ass quote here, as it's my character :)

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